Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
