when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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