ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
