You smell like stripper and shame
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
