fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
