I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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