I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
