oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
