She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize