I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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