ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
