That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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