Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
