Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
