In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
