She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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