You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this will be a night to untag.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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