I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
