I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize