I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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