i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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