tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
