Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
