I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
