I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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