I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
