I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
