Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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