i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
