remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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