Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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