I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
