no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
