he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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