4 words: hood of his car
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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