Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
