He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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