She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
