oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
