am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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