you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
