you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
