he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
