see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
