Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
