Sacagawea was the original milf.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
