Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
