A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
