I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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