She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
