Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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