reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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