i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
