I'm jealous of your bromance
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
