i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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