i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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