Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
