Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize