You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
