don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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