I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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