When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
