Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
