I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
