So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
