i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize