all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
