I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize