Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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