The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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