what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
