walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
